Re-invigorating lifestyle changes

I think one of the biggest challenges anyone trying to lose weight or make other changes in their life faces is when, after an initial positive change, they start to drift back to their old ways and have to give the change a kick start. I’m at that point now. The last few days I’ve been getting progressively worse and am not following my new rules. Yesterday was a mess, only had one proper meal but grazed most of the afternoon on biscuits and odd sandwiches, whether hungry or not. I also failed to deliver on other initiatives I had planned – in particular I hardly left my desk all day apart from to get food, when the plan was to take regular breaks and walk round the garden or something.

Why?

The only explanation I have is bad habits. I had no strong cravings, I didn’t get into a battle of wills, I just lost focus and drifted back to my old ways. It is almost like a computer being re-booted, except slowly over a few days. The new lifestyle habits are evidently still only stored in my RAM, and the old habits are firmly etched on my hard drive. I need to find a way to delete them and “save” my new life. Possibly literally.

It’s frustrating to keep taking two steps forward and one back, but perhaps I need to focus on less things at once until I can make them habits.  I’ve been going to bed much too late, and some days this has impacted in the mornings in that I’ve had breakfast too late, or not at all. That’s not good.

Today I managed my stable porridge breakfast, so the day has already started better. I’m now going to mostly try and do the following

– take a break from my desk every 60-90 mins and go outside for 5 mins

– drink water if I’m tempted to eat between means, and if that doesn’t stop the urge, ask myself out loud if I am hungry, and if so whether what I’m about to eat is the best solution.

– go to bed before midnight

I’ve also become rather lax at listening to my hypnotherapy MP3, which I’m supposed to do at least twice a week. I’ll do that on my next break.

The day the wheels came off

Oh dear. Fallen apart at the seams today, for no apparent reason other than a lack of focus. I had no particularly stressful incidents, no strong cravings, no excuses at all really. Everything was going fine until early afternoon, then my daughter brought me a biscuit she had made. I couldn’t tell her I didn’t want it, so I put it on my desk, then half an hour later picked it up and ate it. That opened the floodgates, and during the rest of the day I made several raids on my wife’s not-so-secret chocolate stash and the biscuit tin, and worst of all polished off an abandoned gingerbread man while warming up my evening meal.

I don’t have anything humorous to say about this, I’m just really annoyed with myself. I’m going to bed in disgrace.

Cadbury’s creme egg report

Today I gave in to the lure of my favourite sweet treat and had a creme egg on the way through the station. I think that makes it four so far this year. Ordinarily, I would reach that landmark some time around 2 Jan, along with eating all kinds of other crap. Four in a day hasn’t been at all unusual in the past, and I’ve been known to hit double figures now and again. So one a week isn’t really too bad.

Sugar Cravings coming & going

Yesterday was really tough. Was looking after both children and my youngest was not in a co-operative mood, which caused a certain amount of stress, but I’m not sure that had much to do with my cravings. Whatever the reason, they were back with avengance, and I was pre-occupied by a need for sugar virtually all day. I didn’t give in to it much (couple of biscuits and a few crumbs of birthday cake), but I was snappy with the children and generally in a foul mood. I just thought all the positivity from the hypnosis had worn off and I was back to the old me, and I know there’s no way I can get through many days like yesterday on will power alone without caving in.

Today has been fine though.  Been out with the family getting some fresh air and gentle exercise, and even got a little real exercise at the end of the day as they all got the bus up the hill back home and I walked. After naming his tree last weekend, today Isaac named “Derek the Duck Rock” (a rock that was shaped like a duck, apparently, though not obviously enough for my untrained eye), as well as  “Rocky Path” and “Muddy Bank”.  He enjoyed himself though, and that’s the main thing. I’m determined that the outdoors will be a big part of his life, and I’ve discovered that, like so many things in life, it’s all about the marketing.  If I suggest we go for a “walk” he will do anything to get out of it. Walks are boring, he hates walks. But if I suggest we go for an “adventure”, he’s usually up for it.

I feel back on track and full of positive energy. Mind you, that won’t last long, as the treats in store for me this evening include my tax return, renewing my road fund license, and paying a big pile of bills that we’ve just got forwarded from our old house. Oh, the joy:)

My fitness challenge

Today I am excited. I have received my entry form for what I’ve decided will be my mid-year fitness challenge, the Yorkshire three peak walk. This is something I discussed with Wanda, my hypnotherapist, and we agreed that it would be great to have a positive goal to focus on, rather than a list of things not to do. We did some work under hypnosis on visualising myself crossing the finishing line – it seemed powerful at the time though hasn’t really stuck with me. I think now I can officially enter it’s going to seem more real though, and I have another hypnotherapy session next Friday so we may work on it some more I hope.

This involves a circular walk of around 26 miles, climbing the three highest mountains in Yorkshire (not very high, all around 2500 ft) for a total ascent and descent of over 5000 feet, with the traditional challenge being to complete it in 12 hours.  There is an organised charity event for Heart Research UK so I’m going to try and raise a little money for them in the process, but I’d be lying if I said that was the main motivation. I want to set myself a challenge that I know will take significant weight loss and excercise for me to be able to achieve.

The event is on 20 June, the day after my 44th birthday, so I’ve got five more months to shift weight and get much fitter. This gives a purpose to my walking know, and I couldn’t have a better birthday present than crossing the finishing line within the 12 hour target. I think I’ll try and round up a team from the office too – there are several ultra-fit types there who could do this any day of the week with no prep. But being part of a team would give me an extra incentive not to let the side down. The lightest I’ve been any time in the last 10 years is about 260lbs (18 st 4 if you’re British and not good at your 14 times table), so that’s my loose goal for 20 June – seems realistic, that would be 60 lbs in just under 6 months. But really if I complete the walking challenge it will be mission accomplished.

Will I get skin flaps?

I have no idea why this suddenly got into my head, but I’ve been wondering on and off all day whether, when (not if) I lose my excess weight, will I have big flaps of empty skin?. I have seen such things on documentaries about morbidly obese people who’ve lost lots of weight. They are always bigger than me, but then I’m not quite extreme enough to make good TV, so I’m wondering how big you have to be to suffer from this problem. It would take some of the gloss off the prize at the end of this challenge for sure.

It doesn’t make a difference of course, I still have to do this. But I would like to know.

More things that lead to problem eating

I have to add another thing to my list of “things that lead to problem eating“. This could end up being a very long and boring list.  Todays entry is complacency. After a tough day yesterday which I got through well, today had been a breeze.  My usual staple breakfast , a chicken wrap for lunch, nibbled a few cornflakes before leaving the office very late just to stave off hunger pains. Walked home from the station (the short way, not very fast but no rest stops), got home at gone 10 and didn’t really feel hungry any more.

I wasn’t sure what to do. My rule is “eat only when hungry, stop when full”. Maybe I’d already broken this rule earlier, because I’d been hungry for a couple of hours and not eaten, just because it’s hard to get anything remotely healthy near where I work in the evenings, unless you go to a restaurant for hours and I wanted to go  home. So I kind of talked myself into a meal, figuring it can’t be right to go through the day on under 1000 calories and I don’t want my body to start storing up fat desperately the way bodies do on diets.  I’m still not at all confident with this whole “listen to my body” deal, and I think I try to figure out what it should be saying with logic and then look for that signal.

Still, even after my meal I was only at maybe 1750 cals, so I thought maybe I’ll allow myself a mini ice cream, then watch a bit of TV – Friday night treat and all. Then I just drift back to the kitchen twice more for other bits of sweet stuff and eat that two, and immediately just think why the hell did I do that.

The only answer I have is I dropped my guard. Obviously I can’t afford to do that yet. I wonder if I will ever be able to?

Tough day

I interviewed someone last night for a job I’ve been trying to fill for months. This vacancy causes me no end of stress, leaving me short handed, and overworked.  This, of course, is not good for lifestyle initiatives.

Anyway, he was perfect, and the elation of finding him no doubt helped me steam up the hill home in record time. Finally got hold of him at lunchtime to offer him the job, and he’d had second thoughts and turned it down flat. Major kick in the nether regions. I have no other candidates so I’m back to square one, and this leaves my angry, frustrated and thoroughly fed up that I have to start this all over again.

Been thinking about a sugar hit on and off all afternoon. Deep in my sub-concisous, maybe not that deep, my brain still thinks “emotional problem? Solution = eat chocolate”. I haven’t, yet. Went to a cafe for a sandwhich at lunch time and had to stride really fast past the sweet/cake counter, it pulled at me much harder today. I got onto the street and actually stuck my chest out slightly like I was breaking the tape at the end of a race.  Even passing the corner shop was tricky, and I’ve thought several times about going out again specially for chocolate.  This is the first day in two weeks I’ve felt like this for more than a few minutes, I hope it passes soon.

Ugh, my breath stinks

I’ve noticed the last few days my breath is disgusting. I’ve experienced this before when I had a spell on the Cambridge diet (don’t try it), and I’ve heard it’s common for people on low carb diets, but I didn’t expect it from eating a healthy balanced diet, which is what I thought I was doing. Still think I am actually.

Following some online research, I’ll try drinking even more water, mouthwash and chewing gum, and we’ll see how it goes. This is a bummer. Hopefully it’s just that eating like a normal human being is such a shock to my system that it will take me time to adjust. While I’m not by any means “low carb”, I have cut out a ton of sugar so I’m a lot lower than I used to be. Maybe the reduction is what does it?

A triumphant day

Yesterday was a very good day. It’s funny, because on any of my 27 (approx) previous big initiatives to lose weight, I’d have though it was a bad day. My calorie consumption was slightly on the high side I suspect – don’t know exactly but I’m guessing at lunch as I ate in a restaurant. BUT, the old me would have eaten twice as much at least. And as I’m now concerned with changing habits for life rather than precisely how many grams of fat I may or may not have burned off in one day, there were some great positives.

#1 – Had a business lunch for the first time this year, quite an important meeting. I therefore wasn’t too focused on the food, as I had to concentrate on the meeting, and being a man, can only think of one thing at once.  Here’s the great thing. Without really thinking about it, and without trying, I just naturally put down my fork with quite a lot of Spaghetti Carbonara left on the plate, and pushed it away. Not because it wasn’t nice, it was lovely, but because I had had enough. And the lady I was meeting, who I would guess is a size 8 at most and very glamorous, ordered the same and cleared her plate!

#2 – I wore my belt on the fifth loop all day, and am doing so again today. I bought this belt on 5 Jan and was using the third loop then. It’s a bit tight now, but definitely a bit too loose on the 4th.

#3 I smashed my own world record* for walking from the station to my house (the long way round) by 6 minutes, coming in at the 34 minute mark. Disappointingly, I still had to have one puffing and panting stop 3/4 of the way up the hill, but I’m going to do it all in one go soon.

#4 I didn’t eat between meals apart from an apple when I got home late at night, or anything sweet at mealtimes.

*It’s fair to say that this particular world record is not one that is focused on by many of the worlds top athletes, as the IOC have yet to introduce “walking from the station to my house (the long way round)” as an official Olympic event. This is disappointing, but does increase my chances of hanging on to the record. I am the official timekeeper too, and operating anonymously, so that’s gotta help. Whatever, it was a personal best.