More Hypnotherapy

Wow, just got back from my hypnotherapy session, which today was quite an experience. We did much deeper hypnotherapy today, and it felt weird (in a good way). The best way I can describe it is when you feel semi-concious in the night while dreaming, and actually think you are awake until you realise you can’t move. I lost touch with my arms completely, thought they had gone totally numb, but they came back bar a slight tingle as soon as I was brought round.

The main purpose of the session today was to talk to the different “parts of me”  – the one that still wants to eat chocolate and the one that is working on changing my lifestyle and getting me fit. I had to give them names, which felt a bit silly, but once we’d got past that it seemed to flow naturally enough. So now we have (fat)  Fred the chocolate man, and (Slim) Jim the new lifesyle Guru, who have agreed to work in harmony to help me achieve my goals. Fred, apparently, is a well meaning but slightly misguided soul who just wants me to have a bit of fun to break up my long working days, and thus far has only been able to think of eating confectionary as a suitably short diversion. We have decided to try and find some other diversions instead, preferably onces where I can expend a bit of energy as  I get so fidgety sat at my desk all day long.

The main conclusion of the session is that I’m going to buy a swingball set for the garden. The good thing about having kids is that I can pretend it’s really for them so I won’t look like a complete nob. Then instead of going to the kitchen for a biscuit I can go outside and whack the ball round for a few minutes. I think this could help a bit, I have never grown out of the simple pleasure of hitting or throwing a ball, but I never get to do it as I am all grown up with responsibilities, and my kids can’t throw more than a few feet yet or catch anything other than colds. I may also buy a punchbag for when it’s raining, or when I’ve just spoken to someone from the public sector, or British Telecom.  Ideally I’d like a little home gym, but don’t really have the room. Don’t really want it cluttering my office, and the remainder of the house is full of childrens toys & clothes, and my wife’s shoes.

We also re-enforced all the messages we did at the last session. And a new thing that Wanda did was try and plant in my subconcious a message that every time I see the colour red it will increase my determination. Will be interesting to see if that works, though I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be aware of it if it does.

I’m very motivated at the moment, which I was even before the session today but even more so now. Feeling quite confident too. I’m starting to really believe that 2009 will be the year I change my life for he better. And not in a “I must believe it for it to work so I’m going to say I believe it” kind of way. I’m philosophical too. I know it’s very early days, and after 30 years of being out of control and more failed attempts to change than I could possible count, the form book clearly says I will still be fat in 12 months. But this time, I may just defy the odds. In fact there’s a thought. I’ve read about people putting bets on themselves to lose weight, I wonder if I could do that. It would be a great extra incentive:)

Making headway

Today was good. I’m fairly sure my staple breakfast is key to everything. When I have a good start the rest of the day falls into place more. Today I had three light meals, did allow myself a slice of cake after one and a mini ice cream after dinner, but haven’t eaten anything at all between meals. Had a walk to the local town and back too, and for the first time I actually strode back up the hill to my house with some purpose. I attacked it. It’s no longer a challenge simply to put one foot in front of the other and make it to the top, I’ve moved on a stage. I’ve taken an important step towards my fitness challenge, and it feels really good.

I also weighed myself  for the first time this year. I wasn’t planning on doing this but I needed some confirmation of my progress after a couple of not so great days. I’ve lost about 15lbs since mid December, probably almost all this month. My bad breath problem seems to be under control too, don’t know if it’s the mouthwash or whether it’s just cleared up by itself.

I have another hypnotherapy session tomorrow, which I’m looking forward to. It’s not midnight yet and I’m leaving my tax return and all the other stuff I should have done by now and prioritising looking after myself. I’ll get the return done online tomorrow with any luck, and if I don’t I’ll just pay the fine.  Sorting my health out is more important, so I’m going to bed, not a little elated. Life is good.

My fitness challenge

Today I am excited. I have received my entry form for what I’ve decided will be my mid-year fitness challenge, the Yorkshire three peak walk. This is something I discussed with Wanda, my hypnotherapist, and we agreed that it would be great to have a positive goal to focus on, rather than a list of things not to do. We did some work under hypnosis on visualising myself crossing the finishing line – it seemed powerful at the time though hasn’t really stuck with me. I think now I can officially enter it’s going to seem more real though, and I have another hypnotherapy session next Friday so we may work on it some more I hope.

This involves a circular walk of around 26 miles, climbing the three highest mountains in Yorkshire (not very high, all around 2500 ft) for a total ascent and descent of over 5000 feet, with the traditional challenge being to complete it in 12 hours.  There is an organised charity event for Heart Research UK so I’m going to try and raise a little money for them in the process, but I’d be lying if I said that was the main motivation. I want to set myself a challenge that I know will take significant weight loss and excercise for me to be able to achieve.

The event is on 20 June, the day after my 44th birthday, so I’ve got five more months to shift weight and get much fitter. This gives a purpose to my walking know, and I couldn’t have a better birthday present than crossing the finishing line within the 12 hour target. I think I’ll try and round up a team from the office too – there are several ultra-fit types there who could do this any day of the week with no prep. But being part of a team would give me an extra incentive not to let the side down. The lightest I’ve been any time in the last 10 years is about 260lbs (18 st 4 if you’re British and not good at your 14 times table), so that’s my loose goal for 20 June – seems realistic, that would be 60 lbs in just under 6 months. But really if I complete the walking challenge it will be mission accomplished.

First hypnotherapy session

I’m catching up on a week’s news here, forgive me, I’m a novice at this blogging lark.

Had a hypnotherapy session last Friday.  It was really interesting, and I found it quite relaxing and enjoyable. We talked a lot, set some goals, and then re-enforced (apparently) these behaviours under hypnosis. I have some simple things to focus on

• Walk to the station or equivalent  3 times a week
• Eat slowly and attentively, putting down food or cutlery between mouthfuls, eating at table wherever possible with no TV or other distractions. Ask myself if I’m hungry and only eat if I am.
• Drink water first if I suspect I’m hungry but am not sure
• Watch out for emotional eating by asking myself why I want to eat, and if it’s not hunger, doing something else instead.

We talked about the things that make me eat chocolate and other rubbish, or just overeat generally. Turns out there are rather a lot of them.  One thing we’ve identified is what I’m going to call “fidget eating”.  Many times, especially when I’m working from home, I get up from my desk and go and get a biscuit or other snack, for no other reason than I want to leave my desk for a bit. So I’m going to try walking to the bottom of the garden instead.
My diet was good that day. But then it would be, I’d just forked out £260 to talk about it, that’s got to focus the mind.

Deliberately looked at lots of sweet counters on Saturday to “test” my hypnotherapy. Did seem less drawn to them than before. Tried a small piece of chocolate just to see if it made me want more, and it didn’t, much. Didn’t do anything much for me actually. “Wow, that’s never happened before – I’m cured”  thought I. Next day I tried a Creme Egg, just to verify the test.  I melted into it like a kind of whole-body experience, the taste enveloped me like almost never before, it was heaven. So the cure didn’t last very long. BUT I was strong, I didn’t have another, or massively want one.  Did polish off the last 3 chocolate cookies when I got home, but still, my meals were good, and for me that’s a good day.

It’s now almost a week since the session, and I’m doing good. Had one mouthful of my wife’s chocolate brownie last night, that’s the only sugary food for 3 whole days now. But what’s more surprising is how much less I’m eating at mealtimes since I’ve started paying closer attention and eating at the kitchen table rather than in front of the TV. I’m not making any effort to eat less, just to eat till I’m full. I didn’t realise I had much of a problem at normal mealtimes, I thought it was all down to snacking and meals out – but it wasn’t.

And I have my first small sign of success – I’ve just realised my belt has been one notch tighter all day, without feeling tight.

Hypnotherapy?

I bought Paul McKenna’s “I can make you slim” a while ago. I’m not sure if it’s the same one that’s being advertised on TV at the moment, I’ve a feeling it may have been updated. I’m a fan of Mckenna on TV and he does some great stuff in business seminars too I hear, but I was very underwhelmed with the CD and couldn’t get into it.  It started with an introduction that said all I had to do was follow a “few simple rules”, and he would do the rest, or something.

OK Paul, what are the rules? First, eat when you’re hungry. Ok, I can do that. Second, stop immediately when you’re full. Hmm, I don’t do that, but that does make sense. Listen to your body he said. Hmm, I heard a few creaks and groans, the odd fart even, but nothing to tell me what to eat. Eat whatever you like said Paul. Cool, said I. There’s one exception to this, said Paul cheerily – “avoid sugar”. WOOOAAHHHHHHHH. I just spotted the flaw. I mean, I know it makes sense, but is this advice worth £12.95? I’ve never been a smoker so I don’t know what his quit smoking CD says, but if it cheerily advised me to follow the simple rule of “avoiding fags” I would feel a bit cheated. And so I did. Avoiding sugar is not a simple rule, not for me anyway. It is a lifelong, and thus far unsuccessful, 24/365 battle of wills against all odds, surrounded as I am by temptation and compelled as I am to give in.  And yes, I know I sound like a girl.

But strangely, I wasn’t put off hypnotherapy. I’ve seen Paul on telly teach people who are scared of getting wet to swim, or people with massive phobias to hold and stroke whatever it is they are scared of. The invisible force which draws me like a magnet to the first batch of Cadbury’s Cream Eggs each year is strong, but not as strong as the force which made that poor woman shriek and recoil at the sight of a snake, and he sorted her out in no time.  So it probably just loses something in mass production I think. Therapy is a very personal thing, it doesn’t lend itself to CDs.  I can’t afford to go and see Paul Mckenna (at least, I assume I can’t – I haven’t asked to be fair, but he’s minted, why would he get out of bed for less than 10 grand a day?). So I’ve found a nice lady called Wanda on the internet, and we got on OK so I’ve stumped up £260 in advance for a four session course with a bit of support by email and an so on in between. That sounds like a fair crack of the whip, and if it doesn’t work, I’ll try something else. No stone unturned but no repeated failures is my philosophy for 2009.

New (not renewed) Resolutions

I’m, going to try hard to understand what’s going on in my mind and body when I do things I know are unhealthy. I won’t beat my cravings for ever by force of will alone, so I need to find a way to stop the cravings, or at least reduce them.

I’m going to stop beating myself up about it. We are where we are. It may or may not be a completely self-inflicted problem, but that doesn’t make it any less of a problem. Actually it makes it more or one.

I’m going to open my mind to new ideas. I’ve seen a hypnotherapist; I’m going to give that a try.

I’ve going to exercise regularly.  I’m not going to set ambitious and unrealistic targets, but I’m going to try and walk to/from the station 2/3 times a week. It’s about a mile and a half each way, easy going there and steep uphill on the way home. Perfect for starters.

I need a goal that isn’t weight-related. Exercising/training is easier with my short-term mindset than not eating, because you only have to do the right thing for 45 minutes a day and you have a result. I’ll have a think about that one. Maybe a long walk, I used to like walking – good for the mind. Besides, I’m too fat to run, and I haven’t sat on a bike in nearly 25 years.

I am NOT on a diet. I am changing my lifestyle, permanently. Diets are temporary, so by definition they can’t work. They may fix the symptom (fat) but they won’t fix the cause. In fact, if you’ve read into this stuff, they make it worse. If you haven’t, you probably don’t want to, so I will shut up about it.

I will keep this blog for a year. I don’t know if anyone will ever read it, I expect not, but I don’t care. Just writing my thoughts down will help, I think.

Changing my life; Take 28 (approx)

This is it. Now it gets serious. This is the year I am finally going to change. I know this in my heart. I have a plan.

A month or two ago I had a little think about my life, which became a big think about my life. I am a 43 year old man from Yorkshire, England, and weigh almost 23 stone (320 lbs if you prefer – shit, that sounds worse). I have two small children (3 & 6), who I want to see grow up, and want to be able to keep up with as they do. I want a bit of life after that too. I have lots to live for, though no real idea what I want to do if I’m honest – but I know I want to do more. You don’t see a lot of 320lb OAPs do you? So unless I do something about it, I may easily only have another 10-20 years left. Ok, I may only have 24 hours left; I may go under a bus tomorrow. But while I recognise that risk and have no problem living with it, I don’t like to mess with the odds too much. I don’t roller skate down the M4 bus lane for example, especially at night. And yet, despite carrying around conservatively 140lbs of excess fat, for some reason I still stuff far too much food in my mouth. Why????
It’s not like I don’t care, or got fat without really noticing, like many blokes I know. Or maybe they just say that because it’s socially acceptable in male circles in the same way that discussing diets seems OK for women. Discussing diets definitely isn’t OK for men, unless you have ripped abs and bulging biceps and clearly no need to discuss them at all. But talking about it might just help, so I started writing a few notes, and then I thought, why not blog it. I was amazed to find out that lots of other people are doing the same. Maybe someone will look in now and again and cheer me on a bit.
I can never remember not being fat. There was a brief time in my mid teens when playing a lot of sport had me in half-decent shape, but at no stage from the age of seven have I not been at least slightly ashamed to have my shirt off in public. And since age 12 or so I’ve been concerned about losing weight, on and off at least. I’ve done diets, mild and drastic, I’ve had spells or exercising and so on, and have lost big lumps of weight on occasions, but never kept it off for any length of time.
Every year I make the same New Year’s resolution, I tell myself not to be so greedy and stupid, and that this time, with renewed will power, I will do it. Why is this year different? Well, over Christmas I re-watched a lot of Blackadder episodes. I re-laughed at the same old jokes, including the ironic reference to “going over the top” 13 times in a row in WW1 with the same disastrous results. And I thought, “my God, that’s what I’m doing. Same plan every time, no matter how often and how miserably it fails”. So this time it has to be different.